No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
