I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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