do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
