Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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