dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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