he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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