names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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