Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
