You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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