My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
