I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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