i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
