i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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