This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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