Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
