There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
