Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
