he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
