i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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