It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
