are you still at the devil's house?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
