I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
