I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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