I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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