Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
