did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
