I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
