I'm jealous of your bromance
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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