My hand turned me down
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
