He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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