Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
