I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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