That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
