Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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