how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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