what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
