I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
