the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
