I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
