Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dick very happy bro
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
