I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
