i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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