she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
this will be a night to untag.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
