i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
