I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Never underestimate the power of titties
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
