If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
