Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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