put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
