so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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