I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
