he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
